Navigating The Complex Mama-Daughter Dynamic
What a loaded task it is to equip my daughters with the tools that I think that they might need in this brave, new world.
One which is, in many ways, so much more complicated than mine ever was. But also so much simpler.
Self-respect, body love, boundaries, values, connection to self and body, sexuality, vulnerability, strength, leadership.
I try to imbue them with the beliefs and values that I think will help them to navigate the modern world.
I teach them all that I know and have learnt about the wild power of the feminine and our abilities to be the change makers that we have the potential to be.
But at the same time I can see how informed this is by my own personal history: the damaged relationship I hold with my mother and the many mistakes I have made with regards to men and relationships: the ways in which I have let myself down, crossed my own boundaries, not been in touch with myself and my needs as much as I would have liked to have been.
And when they start asking me about who I was and how I behaved when I was their age, it can be hard.
Because often, I didn't act in the way that I would like them to act now.
And it’s painful to confront that truth.
And it's hard to know just how open I should be - about who I was, about the context to my actions - or whether just to trust that my mistakes will add fuel to their fire as they embrace with even more gusto their emerging, powerful, feminine selves.
So my practise is to meet this complex bond with presence, with awareness and with compassion. Both for their own, brand new, individual challenges as well as with compassion for my past.
I know that in many respects, I do not wish to be like the mother that I was given.
But I also accept that I will do my own damage. And make my own mistakes that will form part of their own, unique, healing journey...
And so I trust.
In them. And in me.
And I try to remain as open and vulnerable as I can be. Learning as I go.