Why You Need To Ditch Your 'Why?'
We are who we are, based on the sum of our life experiences. And some of the most formative ones occur during childhood.
This is the time during which nearly all of our self-limiting beliefs are inherited, absorbed or formed.
Which means that working on overcoming these beliefs, requires revisiting this childhood phase and exploring when and how they were first planted.
WHO did WHAT to you therefore plays its part.
And it is a process that can be both very uncomfortable (as you uncover hidden truths for what seems like the first time) as well as exhilaratingly joyful (as you realise that the belief you are trying to overcome was never yours, and that you can finally let it go).
In order to heal, it is necessary to know how your childhood wasn't as it should have been. And to acknowledge wheN you experienced gaps in your emotional or physical safety.
In other words, to accept - that in some ways - you were the hapless victim.
(Bearing in mind that what feels 'safe' to a child is very different to what 'safety' means to an adult; just as 'trauma' to a child is not the same as 'trauma' to an adult).
But what isn't necessary, is trying to understand why.
You may have spent your life wondering about why people act the way in which they do (it’s a side effect of becoming highly sensitive to the needs of those around you - a common coping mechanism for ‘parentified’ children).
But your healing isn’t about your family or the reasons for which they either weren't able to, or chose not to, be there for you in the way that you needed them to be.
And it isn't about what lead them to act in this way - their past trauma or their ongoing suffering.
It is about YOU.
And until you can acknowledge that you were a victim - at least as part of the healing process - you won't be able to fill the gap between what you needed and what you got, from the inside.
So let go of the WHY what happened, happened. And focus instead on how it made you feel.
Because THIS is your starting point. This is where the healing occurs.
And acknowledging this gap is the first step in reclaiming your rightful authenticity.