3 Reasons You Are Not the 'Fun Parent'

If you had to choose out of you and your partner, who would you say was the 'Fun One'?

Perhaps you didn't even need to choose because the answer was that obvious: DAD...

There are many reasons why this might be the case. The most obvious being that we live in a patriarchy. Which means the motherload is what it says on the tin - the MOTHER load.

This fact leaves daddies across the world the luxury of excess bandwidth, which they can spend doing (crazy, entertaining) things like actually playing with the kids.

The less obvious reasons fall down to us.

And how, on many occasions, mamas unconsciously CHOOSE to put chores over fun.

The question is WHY?

Here are my top 3 theories:

• If your childhood was spent feeling unconsciously responsible for your parents’ or siblings’ emotions, it is likely that your inner child doesn't feel that safe. And if your inner child doesn't feel safe, she isn't going to find it easy to let go enough (of what she perceives as her responsibilities) in order to play.

• If your sense of calm is dependent upon feeling 'ontop of' your to-do list, it is going to seem more nourishing to attempt to gain control of that, than to 'waste' time playing with the kids. That’s because lack of control feels scary and fear is one of our strongest drivers.

• If you have not yet processed all of the painful emotions that you locked away in your past, it is much easier to stay 'busy' than to allow space for them to re-emerge. Being present enough to relax with the kids can therefore - on one level - seem threatening: who knows what might come up out of the depths of your psyche for integration?

If any of these make sense, it’s not your children that need you to change the most, It’s your inner child.

Because the safer and more loved she feels by you showing up for her, the easier it becomes to show up for your real-life kids.

Plus, there are actually DIFFERENT types of fun out there. And daddies don't own the monopoly on this.

They may be more ready for the physically energetic games that most kids love. But that doesn't mean that what comes naturally to you, isn't also perceived as equally fun.

Each child enjoys its own unique dynamic with each parent. And not all kids want only rough and tumble, all of the time.

Your children also want (and need) other types of connection. And it’s ok if you can’t fulfill them all.

Remember: you are enough just as you are.

And through parenting your inner child, you will become even more of the mama that you always wanted to be: free of your past and free to be truly you.