The Motherhood Dichotomy

Why do our kids bring out such contradictions in us? And why is that so difficult to bear?
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Because society holds many taboos about mothers. About what is the “right” thing to feel and what is the “wrong” thing to express.

To be a “good” mother, we need to be unconditionally loving - always and in all ways. We must be unconditionally patient and tolerant. We must be a bottomless well of giving without expecting anything in return. The unconscious archetype is mother Mary. (No small feat then).

And yet, the same society that asks this of us, neither values the role of mother as a job nor gives us the support we need to create the social and emotional networks to keep us in physical and mental good health. ⠀
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So it’s no wonder we feel the tug between the enormous love we have for our kids, the overwhelm and frustration we feel when we can’t perfectly emulate the impossible standards we have set ourselves, and the guilt that arises for sometimes - just sometimes - wanting nothing to do with them. ⠀
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A break from the relentless drudgery and robotic parenting that is the result of having to do it all by ourselves. ⠀
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It’s hard. ⠀
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And it seems that the onus is on us to change things - to create the proverbial villages, alter society’s perception of what a mum is and contributes, break down the unhelpful archetypes. ⠀
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But we’re just too tired. So we soldier on. Loving our kids. Hating our kids. Carrying the guilt that we will never be quite good enough. ⠀
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And then you have a good day: when the sun shines and the sky is blue and no one is in a mood and everyone feels happy and you forget all about the hard times. ⠀
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Just for a while. ⠀
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And revel in the thought that YOU created this bunch of marvellousnous. These beautiful beings that share your flesh and blood. Who will carry your memory long past your due by date.

And for just a moment, it’s all ok again.