Why Parenting Is So Lonely
It is said that parenting never gets any easier, it just changes.
And as the eldest of my three eases into tweenhood - dragging the other two into the land of BIG EMOTIONS behind her - this recently hit me with a sledgehammer.
OOOOhhhhhhhhhh......NOW I get it.
I've been on physical call for most of my parenting life and now I need to be on mental health watch for the rest of it?
The frustrating thing is....
I HAVE ALL OF THE ANSWERS, WISDOM, ADVICE AND COMPASSION THAT THEY NEED. BUT AT THE SAME TIME, NONE OF IT IS RELEVANT.
And annoyingly, that's exactly how it's meant to be. Because the trauma we encounter as children is precisely what forms the bedrock of our growth as adults.
And whatever we do as parents to ease our childrens’ transition into individuality, their existential angst MUST be experienced in order to shape them into the people they will become.
Which, as a parent, is so hard to witness.
But we need to trust that...
IT IS UP TO EACH OF MY CHILDREN TO FEEL WHAT THEY NEED TO FEEL. TO DO WHAT THEY NEED TO DO AND TO MAKE THE MISTAKES THEY NEED TO MAKE.
To navigate the bumpy terrain of their own psyche on their own, as we parents watch them, helpless to intervene.
Both of us on our seperate islands, kept apart by a sea of age and mistrust: generational mistrust that we have ever felt the same; that we have in fact been there and come out the other end.
So I turn to Cava. The fizzy elixir of my chosen country of residence.
And to time-out - head space - a chance to drop the mantle of adulting for just a while and to indulge in my own worries, fears and doubts.
And I numb out a bit. And I talk it out with my faithful co-parent. And we worry. And then we relax.
And then, just in time - as our temporary exeat ticks to a close - we finally allow in the trust.
We surrender to the deep inner knowlege that it WILL in fact, all be ok.
Not necessarily easy. But ok.
Just as it was for us.
And we head back home to our parenting duties.