When Your Inner Critic Rejects Your Inner Child

A couple of months ago, it was my birthday.

I had a great day(ish): I ended up squeezing too much into 24 hours, not putting my needs first and it all ended up being a bit stressful and overwhelming.

But that wasn’t what had me feeling anxious all day.

In fact, it wasn’t until the day was nearly over and the feeling hadn’t gone away, that I realised what the reason could be.

And it was not only the fact that I hadn’t received a birthday call from my parents (which left me feeling sad and invisible). But more that I was judging myself as pathetic and ridiculous for even noticing this in the first place.

in other words, my inner child was feeling needy, And my inner critic was berating her for being needy. Which was creating an internal tug-of-war over whose feelings were most valid.

Struggle and weakness were not viewed as particularly acceptable growing up so it was easy to identify that my inner critic (aka. inner seargeant major) was a version of my father.

I had adopted this external voice as one of my ‘inner voices’: the capable critic who would not allow any deviation from a permanent show of strength and resilience.

And it was this realisation that enabled me to shift my overall perspective from one of judgement to one of compassion and empathy.

I was able to acknowledge and value Little me’s neediness instead of shaming it. And to start to practise dismissing the inner critic instead of my inner child.

It’s a work in progress, of course. And I still forget sometimes to put my inner child first.

But the more I practise self-compassion, the more it becomes innate. And the more acceptance I extend towards myself, the more accepting I become of others.

Next year, I think I’ll call them.