I Didn't Know What To Do With My Feelings

When we first connected, I was struggling to come to terms with my mother's rapid downturn in physical and mental health, and the extra load that this was putting on me and my family - having to change the plans we had for her come and live with us and learning to accept that she needed to move into a care home.

I had a big mix of emotions about it all – grief, resentment, guilt, frustration, anger - and didn't really know what to do with all my feelings. As a child I was always told 'you're fine, just get on with it' so I wasn't used to really owning my feelings or having them validated. This was a big learning curve throughout our sessions. 

I was a bit nervous before we started as I had only ever worked with a business mindset coach and didn't know what we would end up talking about, how it would work, or what my 'inner child' was but after our first session, I remember feeling that it was a lot more emotional and powerful than I had anticipated - we had covered things that I had no idea were linked to how I was feeling.

My husband and I definitely have a better understanding of each other since the coaching ended, and the tools I learned about validating others' feelings have really helped me to support my kids through their own struggles.  

This was hard at first as it was something that I never experienced myself as a child, but it has been invaluable and I have noticed that they have started doing it back to me, saying things like 'I can understand why you feel like that, Mummy' which is just amazing.

The thing that surprised me most during the series was that I was able to feel more compassion for others, rather than reacting to their behaviour, because I now know it is about them and not me. This has really helped me to communicate more openly and to be able to share my feelings or views with others, which I might have been hesitant about doing before, for fear of upsetting someone. 

My biggest learning has been how to feel and own all my emotions without judgement and how to pause before responding to a person/situation, so that I am less emotionally charged. I can now communicate calmly and say exactly what I want to say. 

If anyone is thinking or hesitating about signing up for a coaching series with Lavinia, I would say 100% go for it, it will transform your life and help you in ways you can't even imagine. 

I couldn’t put a price on it - I think it is life-changing work - and I now feel much better equipped to deal with whatever comes up. I will really miss our sessions!  

~ Zoe Kirby, nutritionist & mother, UK