I Would Seethe For Hours About The Tiniest Things

Before coaching, I felt constantly overwhelmed, angry, anxious, stressed, alone, bitter and misunderstood. I was completely unable to keep my cool and would scream and shout at the kids on a daily basis.

If I ever did manage to keep it together outwardly, I was completely unregulated on the inside and would seethe for hours about the tiniest things.

I was taking life way too seriously, I couldn't allow fun, adult relationships were strained, I couldn't relax. As soon as I woke up, I was just willing the day to be over.

I didn’t have any expectations about working with a coach. In fact, I was convinced that I was too broken for anything to work. But I had become so hopeless that I had to try something - I had nothing to lose.

Deciding to spend money on something I had no guarantee of working was tough, but I had followed Lavinia on Instagram for a while and all of her posts seemed like they were directed right at me, so I knew that she would at the very least understand me.

Before my first session, I felt a mixture of anxiety and hope. Afterwards, I remember feeling even more hopeful - I started to believe that this could actually make a difference to my life.

I surprised myself the most during the series by finding the strength within to have a frank and difficult conversation with my parents and to completely change the dynamic of the relationship to protect my own wellbeing. This is something that I never thought I could do and still to this day I am so proud that I achieved it.

Not only that, but because of the coaching, I am now able to navigate the difficult situations that keep arising as a result of my new boundaries. I will not be bullied and manipulated anymore. I am stronger than I ever knew!

My biggest learning of all was that I am not who I thought I was. That my life is mine to claim. That my beliefs and views on the world do not match those I have been bought up to live by and it is within my power to live by my own rules now. I am not a bad person.

My relationship with my husband has improved too - it is so much deeper than ever before. Understanding why we both act and react certain ways is a game-changer. He has been a huge part of this with me, taking on board everything I have learnt and learning alongside me. We are both better able to communicate, empathise, support and understand each other.

And my relationship with my kids is unrecognizable! My ability to see that my reactions are due to what is going on inside of me and not actually caused by them and their behaviour, enables me to view all the tantrums etc in a whole new light.

Yes, I still react unfavourably sometimes but those instances are so few and far between, and thanks to the coaching I know that I am currently in the autumn phase of my cycle and therefore my ability to 'handle things' is lower.

We have more fun than ever before, even if it is just pulling silly faces or making silly noises or laughing at nothing in particular, and I now allow myself to have those fun moments. They both seem more at ease and happier, and our time spent together as a family is much more relaxed and enjoyable.

I knew that if this coaching series could help me then it would be priceless, which is why I took the leap of faith in the first place. And whilst I'm not always disciplined enough to use the tools I've been given all the time, I know that I have them for the rest of my life, and you can't put a price on that.

All of Lavinia’s emails were so thorough and thought-provoking and all our video sessions were jam-packed. I always felt like she genuinely cared about me and the coaching was completely personalised.

I'm trying to find something more original to say than 'Lavinia changed my life' but I can't. When I look back at all the years during which I had been struggling and resigning myself to my 'miserable' life, I just feel so grateful that I can now see the light. The end of my coaching series marked the beginning of the rest of my life. I will be eternally grateful to Lavinia for everything that she has taught me.

~ Emma Reeder, dance and swimming teacher & mother, UK