I Felt Unable To Develop A True Connection With Each Of My Children

When we first connected, I felt very triggered by certain behaviors in my children (mostly my daughter). And while I was working hard to mask my emotions, I felt a lot of inner turmoil, rage, and irritation. I was having a hard time controlling those feelings, which seemed disproportionate to the behavior, and as a result, I felt that I was coming across as inauthentic. I felt unable to develop a true connection with each of my children and I was afraid the time would come when I would lose it and do something I'd regret.

Before our first session together, I felt a little nervous, skeptical, and anxious about not knowing what to expect even though I was desperate for change. After our first session, I was a lot clearer on the process and while I understood it would be a lot of work, I felt committed and the whole concept really resonated with my inner wise self (aka intuition).

The biggest shift I have seen since coaching has been the strong sense of calm confidence that has taken root inside. No matter what type of behavior my children demonstrate, I am now able to remain calm and confident in my parenting role. I don't yell anymore - I do raise my voice, but that's only to make a point or get their attention – and this is no longer mired with anger or harshness like it once was.

I still get frustrated and annoyed at times but these are like waves of emotions that just come and go on the surface - my inner core remains calm and grounded.

Before coaching, my wife would often have to intervene when she could tell my patience had run out - she was concerned that I was not enjoying being a mother and that I had regretted this life path we had taken. While I knew this wasn't true, I just couldn't figure out how to get unstuck from this place of feeling angry and irritated by my children all the time.

This has shifted a lot! I am now the one who seems to have endless patience - stepping in when she loses her temper and she’s remarked how happy I seem and how much calmer I am. She now believes me when I say I find so much joy in being a mom because she can see the difference.

It's hard to know if the changes I see in my children are just normal developmental changes or if they are related to me showing up differently but my son seems less sensitive and shy since coaching. He’s really come out of his shell during the last month or so – he’s now displaying more confidence in social situations, he’s less anxious and he seems more outspoken.

My daughter also seems less defiant. I’m more conscious of the behavior that used to trigger me and mostly because it just doesn't trigger me anymore, I can now see that she's having an inner dialogue about when to do it (push or grab me) and she either doesn’t do it or does it with far less aggression than before. As a result, I feel much closer to her and no longer feel that I have to force a connection like I was trying to do before – I now genuinely adore and enjoy being with her.

What surprised me the most about the series was how able I was to make such dramatic shifts, on such a deep level, over such a short period of time. I was also surprised at how powerful a tool for healing journaling can be.

My biggest learning during our time together was that I was harboring many feelings about my childhood - mostly related to my mom - that I thought I had reconciled a long time ago. I hadn’t realized that they were still deep inside, festering and waiting to manifest during my parenting.

I learned too that there is no such thing as a "perfect" parent - that we can't permanently be in a happy, blissful state, nor is it good for us or for our children to present that as an ideal. I now see it as healthy for them to see us get frustrated, angry, and disappointed, and to see that those emotions come and go like waves because at the center, we remain calm and confident in our roles so that no matter what, they feel loved and safe.

The benefits from this series and the resulting improvement it has brought to my life are priceless. It was such a rewarding experience. It wasn’t always easy to draw on past memories but the excavation worked to heal my inner child and to help me become the mom I want to be - the one that my kids and family deserve.

Thanks again for doing what you do. It's been life-changing.

~ Candice Moore, non-profit consultant & mama, USA