I Wanted To Find Out Who I Was

I’m still processing how amazing I feel after our final session.

I’ve seen a million memes about 2022 being “my year”, but for me it’s true. I’ve spent hours writing summaries and trying to fully comprehend all the emotions I’ve had.

It’s crazy because I’ve felt like a toddler learning everything all over again and it’s amazing knowing that you were there with me through it all. Every day I find myself wanting to tell you about my day…and let me just say that my days have been incredible.

I use to view my life in individual segments…nothing was connected. Almost like I was just jumping from rock to rock on a river hoping I wouldn’t fall in and drown.

Now I can look at my life and I am so proud of little Jess for being so brave and resilient. I am a better person for all the things I experienced and honestly, I feel blessed for the pain. I wouldn’t understand love if I didn’t know the pain.

Today, I reread a letter that I found in my daughter’s room a year ago that was to her future self. I remember when I read it for the first time (a year ago), I was so concerned about her mental health and worried that she was having terrible thoughts.

When I read it today, it was almost like I was reading a new letter. I was so proud of how in touch she is with her feelings. And then I realized that my problem has been that I didn’t know how to feel things for myself and I projected all of my insecurities and doubts on everyone else. Especially onto her.

As I’ve evolved into my adult self, after inner parenting little Jess, I finally understand the big picture of my life and it’s nothing like I dreamed. I didn’t need to change who I was…I just needed to love who I am.

If I had one wish for everyone in the world, it would be to heal their inner child because I think everybody could benefit from having someone like you in their life.

 ~ Jessica Matthews, dental assistant & mama, USA