I Was Stuck In ‘Fight or Flight’ - Unable to Feel Calm Or Relaxed
When we first connected, I was struggling with racing thoughts at night (contributing to poor sleep); a feeling of anxiety and lack of safety pretty much around the clock; brain fog and some chronic physical symptoms (contributing to fatigue), and I was stuck in ‘fight or flight’ - unable to feel calm or relaxed, and always ‘buzzing’ but tired.
I had only ever worked to dissect my childhood with mental health counselors before Lavinia. I was hoping that I could experience lasting change with her (a coach), not just symptom relief and that my body could feel unstuck from childhood pains.
I would say it took 4 to 5 sessions before I started to feel peace, freedom and safety. Lavinia laid the groundwork early on - encouraging me to do the hard work of showing self-compassion, journaling, processing memories, and feeling all of the deep, scary emotions - and I noticed by the end of us working together that she was saying the same things, but in different ways.
Life has improved greatly since coaching: I now feel inner peace and calm, no matter what is going on around me; I am able to feel an emotion (by giving my body space and compassion) whilst not letting it take over me; my inner critic feels silent (and I now have a new voice inside my head - that of an encouraging older sister figure and cheerleader who speaks to me kindly and with gentleness); I'm able to sleep better and I'm able to notice when I have an intrusive thought and have the tools to manage it.
My communication with my partner is also better and I can notice when I'm actually feeling triggered rather than upset with him and can take care of myself instead of beating myself up.
What surprised me the most, was the speed with which my body healed – it was so ready, I just didn't have the tools to get there. By implementing what Lavinia told me, even if she had to tell me several times, I naturally started to feel safe, free and at peace.
I was also surprised by the power of small changes: like talking to my body in a compassionate way, speaking to my inner child, having a stuffed animal to help in the uncalm moments, tapping into memories when I felt them, etc.
Hundreds of little moments of me choosing differently, followed by practicing the tools Lavinia taught me, produced the confidence that I now have that I know how to heal whatever new things might come up.
My biggest learning was that showing compassion to myself can change the entire way that I live. When I started slowing down enough, first to listen to what my body was saying, and then to give it what it needed, I actually became more productive and joy-filled, and I realized that self-care wasn’t a waste of time (which was my fear). What Lavinia taught me about my energy levels at certain times of my cycle also changed how I operate daily.
I think the coaching series was 100% good value. I've already recommended it to several friends and talk about how effective it was compared to counseling - the program was well thought out, and everything we did together felt intentional.
(I especially appreciated the regular email check-ins, not only for Lavinia's responses to what was going on for me but as an opportunity for me to process things more than just during the sessions themselves).
I would like to tell any woman that is afraid of taking the leap or making the investment that it is possible to spin your wheels for years without getting any lasting change. I did that. And the gratitude I feel for finding a program that finally worked, even if it was less conventional, feels like the best investment I could've made in myself and was 100% worth it.
I encourage you to take the leap because Lavinia is a joy to work with and feels like a best friend who is helping solve your life, instead of a far-away, disconnected counselor. More importantly, she is quite effective at what she does - I sent several emails that called her process ‘magic’ :) I stand by that.
Thank you a million times, Lavinia!
~ Alexia Welch, consultant, USA