I Was Trying To Outrun My Anxiety By Being Constantly Busy

After more than a year of isolation, I was an anxious mess. Fears and anxieties were running rampant and I wasn’t sleeping. I always felt the need to be in motion, as if I could outrun the anxiety by constantly being busy. I was trying to figure out how to reinvent myself after leaving a long-term job a couple years earlier and I was stuck in a rut.

I felt that I had to learn a new way to think and process in order to be a better/happier/healthy person. I had to be open to unpacking my childhood anger and hurt.

I had never worked with a coach and liked the idea of this rather than a therapist. But before my first session, I was very anxious about what I might uncover about my childhood.

I have lived through such turmoil and I had stuffed down all of the emotions and memories – I was afraid that if I let the dam break, I would drown in the muck and despair that I would find.

By the end of that first session, however, I was very hopeful. We - as a partnership - had identified where I wanted to be, and I’d created both short-term and long-term goals. The goals were lofty but we broke them down into meaningful and manageable pieces every time we met.

Since coaching with Lavinia, I am more open with my feelings and my wants. It’s like I opened a box of thoughts and feelings that were always too scary to delve into, but upon forcing myself to examine the contents, it wasn’t too scary after all. I wish I had delved into it sooner.

I can now easily manage anxiety as it creeps up on me with deep breaths and self-talk. I’ve stopped expecting my partner to read my mind and no longer get resentful that my needs aren’t met. I can now manage my anxious thoughts and curtail the need to be doing something productive all the time. I have experienced the bliss of relaxing - and of not feeling as though I have to earn my down time.

I knew that I would have 24/7 online access to Lavinia, but my expectations were far exceeded. It proved to be invaluable. She was so timely and insightful in answering any and all my emails as I had insights or stumbling blocks along the 3-month journey, and I always felt valued and supported.

My biggest learning has been that I need to seek adventure - no matter what - to feed my soul, and to take care of myself so that I have the energy to share with others willingly.

What a fantastic experience this was - excellent value, I processed a lot and learned a lot in a relatively short period of time - I wish I had done it sooner!

~ Octavia Nelson, former educator & mother, USA