I Felt Out Of My Own Control
Since having children (now 2 & 4) I'd been struggling with what seemed to be complete personality changes. I'd gone from being very even-tempered and calm to constantly losing it, shouting, and snapping at my partner as well as the kids.
I felt like I'd lost my sense of humour and fun, I felt out of my own control (such a horrible feeling) and I couldn't see my way to getting that control back. I just felt lost, constantly stressed and anxious. And I wasn't sure whether this was just the new normal for a parent, or whether it was something I could try to address.
I had never worked with a coach before and my expectations were that it would be lots of talking - more like therapy. I was pleasantly surprised to find out how much of it is pretty active: setting practical, achievable goals with specific actions to take.
Before our first session together, I felt pretty lost. Afterwards, I felt happier as I had hope that this was something that could be fixed, and that I didn't have to sit back and accept the way I was feeling as the norm. I felt excited to start working towards the goals we had set.
Since coaching I've seen a massive improvement in so many areas of my life! I'm calmer and kinder in my reactions (most of the time...hey, I have two toddlers and I'm not perfect); I've rediscovered my silly, fun side, with my kids and with my partner; and I've found space to reconnect with myself, and do the things that make me happy, which has helped me to feel more balanced and in tune with myself.
I'm even more confident in how I deal with relationships outside the home and family (at work for instance, I'm happier to set boundaries and stick to them, without feeling angry or stressed when someone pushes back) - it's like I see myself as more of an adult now (and I'm 45...I've definitely been an adult for a long time!).
I think the strength of the emotions that came out around my childhood and parents was pretty surprising - I didn't expect the feelings to still run so deep. And one of the biggest surprises is how much my relationship with my parents has improved since - I no longer get triggered or fall back into old childhood patterns when interacting with them, and I can see them as flawed human beings themselves who don't need me to be perfect to love me.
One final surprise was how much fun I had with the memory work! Even though these were some of my most painful childhood memories, I found being creative in how we addressed them and the glow it brought me afterwards, made it all more than worthwhile. I now feel armed with a toolkit to address anything that comes up in the future.
My biggest learning was that childhood trauma doesn't have to be extreme to have left a lasting impact on you. That being a parent can suddenly bring all this stuff out, and if you don't address it, you can end up feeling out of control with your own children (which is not a nice place to be).
I learnt that addressing those memories in a structured way with a coach like Lavinia can genuinely help clear those cloudy feelings. In fact, it was a pleasure to do - I really enjoyed the memory work, despite being concerned about 'dredging up' the past to begin with.
It was a pleasure to meet and work with Lavinia - I absolutely think the coaching series was good value, given what I got out of it - and I would happily recommend her to anyone who feels they might find this helpful. A big thank you!
~ Jill Bentley, marketer & mama, USA