I Felt Weighed Down By The Difficult Relationship With My Mum
Enlightening, Energising, Exhausting. These are the 3 words I would use to describe my coaching experience - which sounds contradictory but going through the exhausting emotion created the energy!
When we first met, I was just miserable: fed up of the seemingly never-ending day to day drudge of life with two young children, weighed down by a difficult relationship with my mum, lacking in connection with my husband and generally missing an overall bigger purpose (which was something I very much craved, having stopped working after the birth of my second child).
I had never worked with a coach before but after a particularly fraught family Christmas - feeling like I was constantly running around after everybody else with little thanks in return, and criticism as to the way I was parenting my children - I decided something had to change. I'm honestly not sure what my expectations were but I was ready to give anything a go that might help.
I felt excited before our first session together as I knew I had made a positive decision to do something for myself. I was also of course nervous as I had no idea what I was letting myself in for and how I would feel about sharing my personal life struggles with someone I had only ever spoken to once before.
But I felt the warmth of Lavinia’s support from the outset; I knew that she wanted the best for me and by the end of that first session, setting myself two goals gave me the focus and motivation I needed to navigate what lay ahead, the anchor to it all. After the first session, I felt more confident that she would be able to help me.
24/7 online access to Lavinia was so important – her guidance and feedback via email was, for me, what prompted the deepest insights. I also felt reassured that she was always there for me and that I could rely on her to understand how I was feeling without judgement.
Since completing two sets of 3-month coaching programmes with Lavinia – during which we covered everything I wanted to plus a whole lot more - I feel more valued and equal in my relationship with my husband and I have been able to give him the space to co- parent effectively alongside me instead of always needing to run the show!
We are communicating with a whole new level of authenticity; we have re-found our deeper level of connection which had got lost somewhere in the midst of the constant demands of little ones and realised there is still so much love. I also know that whatever lies ahead for us, I now have a range of strategies to fall back on which means I shan't lose my voice again.
I now see my children for who they are and not for who I expect or want them to be (or at least I try to do so!) and I am more present and hopefully more aware of their needs as I am less concerned with keeping them busy and productive. We have more laughter, downtime and silliness - and still plenty of strops as well obviously!
In terms of me, I have a stronger sense of self and purpose; I feel free to be me! I am more aware of how I feel in any given situation and able to express my needs more honestly.
What has surprised me most however, is how, with Lavinia’s support, I have been able to return to difficult times in the past and persevere through a whole realm of emotions to ultimately feeling release and freedom. I no longer feel afraid of feeling anxious, I know that it's just a feeling which will pass, which for me is life changing.
My biggest learning has been the awareness of how much my past and upbringing has shaped who I am today and how being able to recognise these as ingrained behaviours has given me the freedom to change - as a parent, a wife, and now a woman with a mission!
~ Sarah Wass, entrepreneur & mother, UK