I Needed To Regain My Sex Drive

When we first connected, I was nearing the end of a work contract that had taken a big toll on my wellbeing. I was feeling overwhelmed and was seeking a career change, fulfilment and a better work-life balance. I also wanted to find new tools to help me to feel more emotionally balanced and to regain my sexual drive.

I had never worked with a coach before and was hoping to do some shadow work and try to go deep into why I have certain triggers and react in a disproportionate way to some things. I was also hoping to improve my self-care routine, which was lacking.

What surprised me during our first session was the realisation that I didn't have to come up with a goal specifically regarding my career change, but that what was more important at that moment was to find emotional balance, to look at my needs and to take good care of myself, because once I had dealt with those core things, everything else would feel clearer and lighter.

Since my coaching series, my friends have said that I am more assertive and have a more positive outlook. Personally, I’ve witnessed so may changes in myself but especially the fact that I’ve started consciously doing nice things for myself and taking in the benefits.

The journalling and actions around looking for answers within brought me a clarity that hours of venting and crying to my friends hadn't. I was blown away by the difference as I had always thought that my oversharing nature helped me to deal with hardships, but I realised that it is very superficial and biased compared to coaching.

I no longer feel a burning need to overfill my calendar and now feel comfortable enough to just sit with my thoughts and feelings, even if they are negative. I came to the conclusion that my 12-year long relationship was no longer serving my needs and quietening down my busy life and mind has allowed me to regain some of my libido, which I am very grateful for. It's amazing to feel like a sexy woman again and I’m now deciding whether or not to go for another 3-month series!

I really appreciated Lavinia’s balance of being encouraging and present but also nudging me in the right direction and pointing out where I hadn't quite managed to connect the dots. Forcing me to think about worst-case scenarios and how they made me feel, and trying to figure out where certain patterns of behaviour originated were very useful exercises to get to know myself better, albeit uncomfortable.

If I had to describe my coaching experience in 3 words, I would say: empowering, soothing, self-kindness.

~ Maria Carvalho, scientist, UK