I Was Feeling Constantly Guilty

When we first connected, I was feeling constantly guilty and as though my life was completely caught up with my parents and siblings. I was struggling with a lot of guilt and anxiety around my domineering father, my often mentally ill and dependent sister, and my parent’s terrible marriage. I was feeling extremely stressed and was taking it all out on my husband and 3 children - I didn’t have anything left for them or me.

I had talked to psychotherapists before but this had never got to the route of the issue - I just felt like we were going round and round in circles.

My expectation was that coaching would actually clear past cycles of behaviour so that I could move forward in a different way. I had done quite a bit of research into the idea of how much your childhood can influence your adult self so inner child work seemed to make sense.

Before our first session I felt really anxious. And I actually continued to feel quite anxious before every session but once the call started I would be fine (Lavinia and I would laugh about this)!

Since coaching my life has definitely got better and I think that my husband and I understand each other more.

The biggest change however, has been with regards to my connection with my dad and sister - I no longer feel responsible for them and know absolutely that it is only them who can change the course of their life so I refuse to waste any more time trying. I am not going to go back to how it was before we returned to the UK and I have the strength to do that. No longer feeling the constant guilt about my dad and sister has also released more energy for my children!

I surprised myself the most during the series by discovering what a massive hold the experiences with my parents and sister throughout my childhood, teen and adult years, had over me.

The somatic sessions were fascinating - I had no idea how they would work but they did! I was also amazed at how Lavinia could pinpoint my feelings and then would push me to access these even though they were so uncomfortable. For example, it was very helpful (and painful) to talk about my mum but so beneficial in processing my grief and the huge amount of confused, mixed emotions I was carrying, which meant I was then able to move forward.

My biggest learning was that you cannot change anyone else - they have to want to change themselves.

I absolutely think that the coaching was good value. I liked Lavinia so much and always looked forward to seeing her. The process is certainly something that people need to be ready to put maximum effort into - she expertly guides the process but you’ve got to be willing to give your all!

Thanks Lavinia. It was quite a journey!

~ mama