My Inner Child Was In The Driving Seat Of My Life

When we first connected, I was struggling with perfectionism and seeing my children as extensions of myself - when they would ‘misbehave’ I would see it as my failure and become triggered.

I wanted to be more trusting, more accepting, more capable of holding space for uncertainty and difficult moments without everything becoming a reason to be critical of myself. My inner child was in the driving seat of my life and calling the shots, and I wasn't able to comfort her, accept her, and heal her.

I had never worked with a coach before, only with psychologists and a psychiatrist. At first, I worried that we wouldn't connect - that Lavinia would be so busy working with so many clients that she wouldn't be able to distinguish me from anyone else and that I would feel unseen - a big trigger for me!

But even though I doubt that I am very unique, I didn't ever sense that she was uninterested or that she was ‘lumping me in’ with others. Indeed, she was able to draw from her extensive experience of working with many women with similar challenges to mine, while also being open to and engaging with my individuality.

In other words, she wasn’t blasé - I felt that she genuinely cared and was interested in going deep, while also keeping us on track and focused on my goals. That is a balance that I am certain is very hard to strike in a condensed coaching program and is testament to Lavinia’s skillfulness as a coach.

My biggest, or most powerful, learning during our time together, was how to inner parent. While journaling and memory work helped me to gain perspective on my past and therefore my present, inner parenting is a tool that I learned to use and will continue to use to manage my emotions.

I am now able to see when my mind goes into default protection mode because of childhood experiences that taught me that I needed either to please everyone or to change people and situations in order to stay safe. I now see that those coping mechanisms are no longer serving me, and most importantly, I know how to access and soothe the child who felt she needed those strategies growing up. I have learned how to get myself out of the grips of self-loathing and back on a path of greater self-acceptance and self-love.

Since coaching, I think I am also much more self-aware about what is going on inside of my body during different moments of my cycle, and have a better understanding of how to give myself what I need at these different moments. I was surprised by this connection but with knowledge of the different seasons of my cycle and how my energy and moods fluctuate over the course of these, I can now much better understand what is happening inside my body, be accepting of myself when I am struggling, and give myself more of what I need.

Something else that was surprising to me about the coaching, was how powerful memory work can be and how effectively I was able to access memories when I give myself the time and space to do so. I will continue to use that tool. I also feel better equipped to manage uncomfortable and painful feelings, and now see how disconnected I have been from my body and that I need to go into my body to heal and release, rather than try and think my way through the discomfort.

The financial investment of the coaching was consequential, but the learnings will always stay with me and I will continue to apply them time and time again. A big thank you to Lavinia for doing this work and for sharing her knowledge and tools with women like me - I feel very grateful to have worked with her, and will certainly recommend her to others!

~ Katie Herbert, evaluation consultant & mama, Canada