I Was Ruled By My Mum

Before the start of my coaching series I was lost, very emotional, couldn’t speak up for myself, had no boundaries and was ruled by my sister and mum in a bad way. I found it hard to be present with my 1-year-old, was 3 months pregnant with baby no.2 and was panicking at the thought that I wasn't being the best mum to one child let alone two!

I resonated with all of Lavinia’s Instagram posts and felt like she knew me before I’d even spoken to her. I’d never felt so sure of anyone despite trawling through psychotherapists’ profiles online on and off for around 6 months prior to this - it was very surreal!

I was often so triggered by the quotes because they were all things that I struggled with so I felt that she must know how to help me.

After the discovery call, I felt even more confident about this, but if I’m really honest I didn't think I’d get to where I am now despite her saying that I would more than once!

Despite how much I cried, I felt Lavinia REALLY listened to absolutely everything I said during our first session and was so patient when I changed my mind about what should or shouldn't be included in the goal.

I remember feeling a glimmer of hope when she said “all of my clients reach their goals, believe me YOU WILL.” I didn't believe her - but I had hope that I might get close! I loved that there was a timescale too, it felt daunting but possible.

The 24/7 online access to Lavinia in between sessions was absolutely amazing and was, I believe, completely essential to my success. It ensured that I checked in with myself at least every few days by checking in with her, and I was able to tell her about my triggers in the moment as well as to seek advice on how best to approach them. I learnt so much about myself in this way and it prompted huge shifts.

I’m so grateful for Lavinia’s kind approach - I felt like she was always honest and was able to word things really carefully so that they were not only to the point but also appropriate. (They were also sometimes a bit ouch even though I needed to hear them!)

The coaching was really good value despite representing a huge investment for me. I did wobble several times at the thought of spending so much (both before starting and also before committing to a second series) but I also knew that I needed to help myself as there were no other options available.

I didn't want regular counselling - I wanted support, to be heard and to receive ideas, strategies and empathy - not just to have someone nodding at me.

The biggest change I’ve witnessed in myself since finishing the series is that I now have boundaries. When my mum calls, I no longer panic and answer immediately, I no longer offer to give anything and I no longer listen to her constant barrage of moaning and negativity. I don’t rise to my mum when she is playing the victim (it is up to her if she chooses not to heal herself) and I’m not her therapist anymore!

Before, I rarely made time for me so I also surprised myself by how hard I jumped in to the healing process. I was clearly very ready and connected really well straight away with my inner child who now feels so comfortable.

As a result, I now refuse to do anything that doesn't feel nourishing to me and I am not only able to be present with my son but I’m also enjoying it!

~ Annie McDonald, photographer & mother, UK