I Was Shouting At My Son And Using Very Unkind Words

When we first connected, I was very upset with myself for my behaviour towards my son. I was shouting at him a lot, using very unkind words and I was becoming far too easily triggered by his ‘silly’, ‘non-compliant’ behaviour. 

I couldn't understand why I was finding it so hard to be the sort of respectful parent I want to be. I love him so much and I was very worried that the way I was treating him was going to ruin our relationship and scar him for life. I found myself stressed a lot of the time. 

I had never worked with a coach before and was hoping to fix my behaviour and begin enjoying being with my son again.  

Since our series, I would say I have a much better understanding of what is going on when I am triggered by my son and why I used to get so angry and I know why and where it is coming from in my life/childhood. 

I do still get triggered, but I am triggered less, I am less stressed and I feel somewhat calmer even when my life isn't completely calm. I think my goal posts for what constitutes calm have shifted a little. 

What surprised me most about myself during coaching was how much more at peace I feel about my relationship (or lack thereof) with my parents, and my childhood.  

I am now able to put each parent in a ‘box’ and feel like I am outside of the relationships, looking in - observing, finding things interesting, sometimes horrifying, but all the time having a decent degree of understanding of what's going on without feeling really angry. 

As a result, I am better able to stand up for myself with my parents, and make clear what my family and I need, rather than just going along with whatever they want so as not to create any conflict.   

I am also surprised that I feel better about myself - that I feel a bit like a survivor - given the way I was parented and my childhood. 

My biggest learning as a result of the coaching, was that I am triggered by my son because he upsets the peace I crave in life in the exact same way that growing up, my strong-willed little sister would upset the peace I had created through being compliant in my relationship with my parents. 

As a result of the coaching, I'm slowly learning to cultivate a feeling of peace without always expecting compliance from my son and without compromising my authentic self to comply with what others want just to avoid conflict.

~ Vicky Douxmont, mama, USA