My Life Was All Responsibility And No Joy

Before coaching, my life seemed to involve a lot of responsibility without any joy - I was doing most of the ‘heavy lifting’ at home and as a result, I was feeling a lot of resentment towards my husband. I lacked confidence in myself and had a feeling that my chronic people-pleasing was not serving me well.

I needed more balance in my life - I felt unable to set clear boundaries with family members and at work - and whilst I knew that I needed to change my life, I wasn't sure if this was possible nor how to do it.

Since finishing two sets of 3-month coaching programmes with Lavinia, I have much better self-esteem! I feel empowered enough to speak up for myself, to ask for help if I need it and I have also let go of a backlog of trapped anger and resentment.

My self-esteem is no longer based on what other people think of me, nor on how I need to please other people (a legacy from my childhood) and as a result, I can now speak calmly to my husband about difficult or challenging issues from the heart - without being overwhelmed by anger - we've developed a much more respectful relationship, and he now relates to me very differently!

I have also brought more joy into my parenting, developed new, positive friendships, made time for creativity and created a clear career path for myself - even in a pandemic!

During our coaching series, I was surprised to learn that, despite an objectively comfortable childhood, I needed to heal some ancient wounds that were still unconsciously affecting my self-esteem.

I uncovered a multitude of unhelpful, unconscious beliefs, and saw how these had shaped my view of myself. By doing the healing work, I learnt that I am loveable and good enough, and it was incredibly helpful to replace these unconscious beliefs with more positive ones.

I learnt many self-care tools including how to nurture my "inner child": I was able to give her permission to feel all of her feelings (such as sadness, loneliness and anger – emotions I was not permitted to feel or express as a child), and this now supports me when I am feeling anxious and means that I am so much better at regulating my emotions!

I have now released my need to be perfect (which was how I gained validation and love as a child), and can now listen to constructive criticism without being so defensive. I also learnt how to set boundaries with family members and at work.

Of course, I am still a work in progress, but I now feel much more peaceful, calm and hopeful for the future. I have begun to trust that things will be OK!

The 24/7 online access to Lavinia between sessions was fundamental to the success of my coaching - I felt so, so supported, comforted and listened to. Her empathy and kindness were exactly what I needed and her continual insights and support helped me to understand many of the new concepts I was learning (which were, at first, very unfamiliar).

I also really appreciated her thoughts and insights regarding my parenting and relationship dilemmas as they cropped up, and she helped me to feel more confident in my own opinions by encouraging me to trust in myself as time went on.

Both coaching programmes were incredibly good value for money and I directly attribute them to me getting my new job. They gave me the confidence I needed to apply for positions and to create a clear career path for myself (which I hadn’t thought possible during my first session)!

Coaching with Lavinia was both transformational and brilliant!

~ Michelle Watson, mother, UK